It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
