Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
