Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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