Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
