I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Actions speak louder than pants.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
