How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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