drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
