That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
