If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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