you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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