For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
