I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
