i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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