I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
