You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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