do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
