they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
