my phone needs a breathalizer
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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