sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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