Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
