I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
