haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
