I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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