she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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