Got a toothbrush?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
