So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
