Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
