Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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