the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
