So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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