Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
