I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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