I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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