You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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