12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
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she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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