I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think people are normalizing furries
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
