I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
