i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
