If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
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It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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