I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so that wasnt chicken after all
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
