i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
