HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
