I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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