It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
