Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
