I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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