You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
