but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
