I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
