just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
