i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
