Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
