I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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