So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
