Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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